perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you inspire me to be a worse person
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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