Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
