Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
