i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
