..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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