my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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