If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
