Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
