Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
