I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
