my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Come see our sink grown plant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
