I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
