so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
