Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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