i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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