Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
