According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
