Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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