He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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