I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What a dumb baby whore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
