there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
