i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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