i already hear my dad disowning me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
