When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
