bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
