The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
