can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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