So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
