So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
