You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
