you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
