I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
