i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
