Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
