she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
