i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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