benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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