The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
