and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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