good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
