It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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