Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
