so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
