I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
