Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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