My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
