so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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