Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
