Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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