I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
